You Sexy Thing by Cat Rambo

Published by Tor Books on November 16, 2021

You Sexy Thing might be imagined as a salad made from leftover plot elements that were tossed together in the hope that the combination would be pleasing. We have space pirates and a clone and a hive mind and a sentient ship and a mix of humans and aliens who have remained loyal to their former military leader. The novel purports to be a science fiction space opera, but it crosses over into fantasy with the addition of alien shape shifters who use magic to change themselves into lions and a mystic who is traveling on the Spiral of Destiny. Interstellar travel is powered in part by portals that were designed with magic. I guess that’s one way to get around physics. Fortunately, magic plays a relatively nonintrusive role in what is essentially an action novel with a bit of human interest, or alien interest, as characters bond while overcoming adversity.

Niko Larsen operates a restaurant on a remote space station. She has managed the difficult task of retiring from a military organization called the Holy Hive Mind, taking some of the company that she once commanded with her. As the name implies, Niko shared consciousness with her company before she pulled it from the Hive Mind. Notable members of the former company include Dabry, the restaurant’s extraordinary head chef; Skidoo, who resembles a squid; Thorn and Talon, twins who use magic to shift their shapes to those of lions; Gio, a former quartermaster assigned to food prep; and Lassite, a mystic who keeps a bag full of ghosts. Milly, the pastry chef, is a newcomer.

Fortunately, the novel doesn’t take itself too seriously, although the story isn’t played for laughs. Niko is trying to make enough money to buy a ship, the first step in her long-delayed and ill-defined plan to rescue a Florian named Petalia from space pirates who are holding her in captivity. Florians might be described as sentient, mobile plants who have some of the qualities of mystics.

Before joining the Holy Hive Mind, Niko escaped from the space pirates, making an enemy of the pirate leader named Tubal Last in the process. She also seems to have made an enemy of Petalia, given her stint with the Holy Hive Mind and the restaurant gig, neither of which involved any obvious effort to make good on her promise to rescue the Florian.

The plot shifts into gear when a food critic visits the restaurant just as a wealthy patron arrives. The patron owns a rare bioship called You Sexy Thing. One thing leads to another and Niko’s company, along with the critic, end up on the bioship as their space station is being destroyed in a reality-based version of a video game. Nico’s people are joined by a princess named Atlanta who was packed into a box and delivered to Nico by the future version of FedEx for reasons that never make much sense. A couple of adventures later, the ship (oh happy coincidence!) travels to the pirate habitat, where Nico will reunite with the unhappy Petalia. Action ensues, occasionally interrupted by hard feelings and gourmet meals.

The story makes a surprising amount of sense, given the odd mishmash of B-movie sf themes, including hive minds and plant people and sentient ships and space pirates, not to mention the fantasy themes of magic, mystics, and ghosts. Cat Rambo asks the reader to accept a number of underdeveloped plot elements, perhaps to avoid bogging down the story with contrived explanations. This isn’t the kind of story a reader will want to overthink. The best science fiction encourages readers to think, but there is room for slightly silly stories that are meant only to entertain. You Sexy Thing falls into the latter category. I assume a sequel will follow. I’m on the fence about reading another of these, but this one had sufficient entertainment value to mert a recommendation.

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