Best. State. Ever. by Dave Barry

Published by G.P. Putnam's Sons on September 6, 2016

Dave Barry set about rehabilitating (or destroying, if that’s even possible) the image of Florida, which is perceived (in Barry's words) as “being a subtropical festival of stupid.” To make his point, Barry chronicles a number of events (some of which actually happened) in which Floridians did things that were stupid, or at least weird. Those events have made Florida “the Joke State,” the state everyone loves to mock. Barry took on this project because Florida’s critics live in states that are equally mockable, a fact he proves by defining the shortcomings of a good number of states, particularly Illinois and New York.

To extoll the good things about Florida, Barry drove around and wrote about the things he found, most of which are pretty stupid, although (as Barry sees it) in a good way. After introductory chapters that I thought were hilarious, the bulk of the book rates only as amusing on the Dave Barry laugh-o-meter.

Highlights of the book include: a politically correct tribute to Miami’s smoking hot women (not that, as an evolved male who does not objectify women, he would ever notice them); a critique of senior line dancers at The Villages, a retirement community that celebrates its lack of diversity; an incursion into LIV, an outrageously expensive Miami nightclub; and bar-hopping in Key West, a city that is renowned for its Jimmy Buffet clones and naked people who should leave their clothes on.

Extended discussions of sketchy tourist attractions (skunk apes, the Weeki Wachi underwater theater, concrete dinosaurs, Spongeorama, Gatorland, and the spiritualist community of Cassadaga) are less funny, if only because so much time is devoted to narrating things that Barry saw, rather than mocking them. Or perhaps he’s just too nice, and too genuinely appreciative of kitsch, to give ripoff roadside attractions the skewering they have earned. Still, he does mock the Cassadaga spiritualists, making that one of the better parts of the book. I also enjoyed his celebration of manliness during a visit to Lock & Load, where visitors get to shoot machineguns, an activity that has sensibly been declared illegal in nearly every other non-military context.

This isn’t as funny as vintage Dave Barry, but it’s still funny. It’s even funnier if you’ve traveled in Florida and can attest to the wisdom of Barry’s observations.

RECOMMENDED

An Obvious Fact by Craig Johnson

Published by Viking on September 13, 2016

Walt Longmire hardly ever stays home any more. This time he’s (mostly) in Hulett, Wyoming. His friend Henry Standing Bear is participating in a motorcycle rally — challenging himself in a hill climb competition — when he’s not quoting Sherlock Holmes. Meanwhile, Longmire is looking into a motorcycle accident (the young rider is in a coma) that may not have been an accident.

Bear is challenged in another way when his ex-lover Lola (after whom he named a motorcycle) prevails upon him to help investigate the accident. Eventually Longmire’s undersheriff, Vic Moretti, shows up, having returned from the (so far) fruitless investigation of her brother’s death (an event that occurred in Dry Bones which, like all the Longmire novels, is worth reading before starting on this one).

Longmire makes it all the way to page 113 before he says “Boy howdy,” but quite a lot takes place before he says it. And quite a lot more follows in this eventful novel. Craig Johnson doesn’t fill pages with meaningless action scenes (a pivotal bar fight, for instance, takes place off stage, leaving Longmire to describe the aftermath) but the pace is never slow and the story is never dull. The primary plot involves Longmire’s effort to understand why the motorcyclist was run off the road (and who did it), but a number of entertaining subplots branch off from that story.

Potential villains include a D-list celebrity who once starred in a reality TV show about motorcycle repair, a couple of inept vehicle thieves who continually cross Longmire’s path, an entire motorcycle gang, and Lola. As always, Johnson gives supporting characters (not just the regulars) enough personality to make them seem real.

The trademark dry wit and trivia expertise that Johnson bestows on Longmire always keeps the story light, although this one is lighter than most. For instance, Johnson pokes gentle fun at the enormous waste of tax dollars involved whenever the federal government gives local police departments things (like mine-resistant military vehicles) that they don’t need.

An Obvious Fact serves up a nice helping of what series fans have come to expect -- easy entertainment with familiar characters and a spry plot. It does little to delve into the dark events of the last novel, but I imagine Johnson will explore that plot thread in the next book or two. I would consider An Obvious Fact to be an average novel in the series, but boy howdy, that makes it pretty darn good.

RECOMMENDED

Titanborn by Rhett C. Bruno

Published by Random House/Hydra on June 21, 2016

Titanborn is set in 2334, 300 years after a meteorite crippled Earth, raising sea levels and cooling temperatures and leaving an unpleasant environment for the few survivors. Malcolm Graves works for Pervinio Corporation as a collector. He settles disputes, usually by getting rid of the person causing the dispute. Malcolm has survived in his job longer than most collectors. His investigation of a bombing sends him to Old Russia and then to Titan.

Soon after the story begins, Malcolm is saddled with a partner named Zhaff, a Cogent from Titan. A Cogent is a human who has been bred to have the characteristics of an android, whatever that means. Zhaff wears a fancy monocle and other high-tech gadgetry, but the details of his “breeding” and special abilities are never made entirely clear. Zhaff is young and ultra-competent which, of course, makes Malcolm feel old and insecure. Malcolm eventually discovers a secret about Zhaff that, like the rest of the novel, feels contrived.

Titanborn is essentially an action novel that adds a bit of family drama in an attempt to give it substance. Malcolm has an adopted daughter (sort of) who doesn’t want to follow in the old man’s footsteps. The circumstances involving Malcolm’s daughter (and to a lesser extent, those involving Zhaff’s father) are meant to add human interest to the story. They don’t. The action is predictable and the family drama is … well, I’ll say it again … contrived.

Malcolm is supposed to be an aging noir antihero who is also a good guy. He unerringly shoots people in the shoulder or knocks them out with a single blow to the head unless he decides to kill them. On the whole, his personality is standard for a novel of this sort. Like the plot, Malcolm just isn’t very interesting.

Rhett C. Bruno’s prose isn’t awful, but too many passages have a first draft quality. Bruno doesn’t have the kind of style that makes me believe a second or third draft would improve the narrative. Dialog sounds like it is spoken by teenagers, even when the character is a senior citizen. The prose is too dependent on clichés.

So, we have a science fiction action novel that doesn’t separate itself from the pack in terms of plot, characters, or prose. A science fiction action novel junkie might like it because it moves quickly and includes familiar science fiction trappings. Readers looking for more substance or an innovative story will need to look elsewhere.

NOT RECOMMENDED

Nothing Short of Dying by Erik Storey

Published by Scribner on August 16, 2016

Clyde Barr is a tough guy. After his release from a Mexican prison, he’s trying to lose himself in the Colorado woods when his sister, Jen, calls to tell him that she needs help. Since she’s the only family member with whom Clyde is still on good terms, Clyde feels obliged to respond, but the call is cut off before Clyde can learn where she is. Fortunately, Clyde is resourceful.

Clyde hooks up with a bartender named Allie who knows something about a drug dealing thug named Lance who was Jen’s last known contact. After that, Clyde runs around doing tough guy stuff or reminiscing about all the tough guy stuff he’s done in the past. Clyde also reminisces about his abusive family life as a child, which is too over-the-top to generate the kind of sympathy that must have been intended. Occasionally, he says something like “Damn. Another pointless death that was entirely my fault.” I guess that makes him a tough guy with a conscience.

To prove his manliness, Clyde orders big rare steaks while making fun of Allie’s tofu noodle bowls. Is it even possible to order both of those at the same restaurant? Then, following the tradition of tough guy novels, he gets into bar fights to prove to the reader that he’s the toughest guy in the bar, and maybe the world. When he meets his old prison buddy, they beat each other up for fun because, yes, they are both tough guys. He rides a motorcycle 100 mph in the rain because he’s a fearless tough guy. All of that is such standard fare that it’s just tiresome, not to mention pointless.

Near the end of the novel, Clyde had managed to endanger all of his relatives, but he tells them not to call the police because the police don’t know anything about catching criminals. Only a heavily armed tough guy like Clyde can solve the problem. The most realistic part of the novel is that most of Clyde’s family, for good reason, want nothing to do with him. Of course, he feels bad about that because he’s a tough guy with a heart. The heart also accounts for a surprisingly sappy ending.

Having gotten out of my system all the things about Nothing Short of Dying that annoy me, I need to make clear that the book isn’t all bad. Erik Storey is a capable writer who keeps the plot moving. He tells the story in observant prose. He gives Clyde at least a modest degree of depth, although it’s overshadowed by his tough guy persona. Apart from Clyde’s unerring aim, action scenes are credible and the story doesn’t overreach, which is more than I can say about most modern thrillers. The book is smarter than many tough guy novels and it avoids politics, which I count as plus, since so many fictional tough guys love to pontificate about their tough guy political philosophies.

I've enjoyed many tough guy novels, beginning with Don Pendleton's Executioner books that I devoured when I was a kid. Those novels had elements that this one lacked. On the scale by which I judge books, I fall somewhere between being indifferent to and liking Nothing Short of Dying. I can only recommend it to readers who are willing to tolerate its problems -- in other words, readers who crave tough guy personas and are willing to let other aspects of the novel slide.

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS

Marriage is Murder by Robert McCracken

First published in 1988; published digitally by Endeavour Press on August 4, 2016

Marriage is Murder is less a crime novel than a light-hearted family drama that uses crime as a plot device. The story follows a likable loser who, for most of the novel, can’t quite get his act together as his wife, his career, and his home may all be taken away by a real estate developer who conceals his true intentions.

Journalist Charlie Geddis, after a typical drunken evening, finds himself nearly passed out on a bridge when he hears voices. Through a blurry haze, he thinks he sees some people in hoods shoot someone. The victim falls into a pond. Before he falls into the pond himself, Charlie believes he hears the name Palmer. Among Charlie’s other problems, his wife is leaving him for a snobbish realtor named Malcolm Palmer.

The next day, having slept it off at the home of a nearby farmer, Charlie wonders whether he should look for a body or call the police, but decides that it might be better just to put the incident out of his mind. Not so easily done, as he discovers in his rare moments of sobriety. The body has a habit of appearing and disappearing in ways that beleaguer Charlie.

Assigned the editorial helm while his boss is away, Charlie tries to resolve his problem by publishing a story that nobody believes, which only makes things worse. He does manage to get involved with a colleague who may or may not want to be involved with him, depending on whether Charlie seriously wants to regain the affections of his wife. Charlie thinks he does, but he needs to convince his wife of Palmer’s true nature if he is to succeed. Since Palmer has clout and Charlie usually has nothing more than a hangover, his odds of success seem small indeed.

That beginning sets up a classic “wrong place, wrong time” story, the kind Hitchcock used to film, except that Hitchcock’s protagonists weren’t as pathetic as poor Charlie. And while a Hitchcock movie builds suspense, Marriage is Murder builds amusement as hapless but stubborn Charlie attempts to cope with the problems that escalate after his drunken evening on the bridge.

Supporting characters have enough personality to make them recognizable types. The plot is whacky but easy enough to believe, given the tongue-in-cheek nature of the story. It moves at a steady pace, never bogging down but never racing along so quickly that the reader has no chance to enjoy the story’s amusing moments. There are plenty of those, as Charlie moves through the novel continually demonstrating his ability to irritate his dwindling supply of friends with his impulsive behavior. The antics of Charlie and a group of environmental activists who oppose Palmer’s development plan all lead to a satisfying if unsurprising conclusion.

RECOMMENDED